CLGC’s first church camp (Part I)

Mixed feelings brewed as camp drew near. Excited and happy as I thought about all the fun I knew I was going to have; the whole 70’s theme, getting to know people that I generally just smile to on Sundays, and as always, a new breath of fresh air in my walk with Him. At the same time, I got a sinking feeling as I made travel plans with my new cell members; this year, most of the people I cared for the past three years would not be at camp with me *huge sigh…*. I couldn’t help myself, but feel crummy, helpless and lost on Friday.

In the span of a year since last year’s camp… so much have changed. I miss being in a joyful, vibrant church; its innocence has been lost. I miss my cell group; especially sis. I miss seeing her twice a week just sharing how the week has been; in the midst of being buzy it’s tough to set time aside. I cringe thinking of the times I have to explain to my non-Christian parents why us siblings now worship in different churches. I am saddened by insensitive remarks and assumptions people reason why I stay in church. Really, is it so difficult to believe that I’ve NEVER thought of leaving cause in my Spirit I have not been released to do so? My seven-year relationship ended. I was plucked and thrown into a different working environment...

It would’ve been SO much easier for me to just quit. But then again… how could I? How could I disappoint Him? He who has been with me every step of the way. My Rock… the only solid foundation when all has failed. Took half-a-day off to go for a good lunch and some window-shopping to feel better; but alas it didn’t work. Yeah… I guess this is the time to own up that the reason why I wasn’t in church for the first session wasn’t because I was working; but wallowing in self-pity at home watching American Idol reruns on 8TV *so pathetic*.

Sighh.. the two things that SHOULD’VE changed but DIDN’T are (1) the kilograms on my hips and (2) my empty bank account *chuckle *.