Juan's World

An inside look into the world of an average girl who lives a not-so-average life after having met face-to face with the great "I am". Living a life of purpose. Leaving a mark. Balancing her life with the things He has called her to do with the responsibilities in life. With just one wish in her heart. That one day, when she meets face to face with her Maker. To have Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant. You have ran the race well!"

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Let's get our champagne glasses out!!!

Today marks the day that my little baby is born. Wheeeee!!! Upgrade Project at Alam Flora officially goes LIVE today with minimal problems. Tonight, we'll be having a little project celebration after work. *ooo-laa-laa!*

Today also marks my first fasting day for my sister Shireen; which will end on the 5th of July, Tuesday. She will be going for an operation to remove a cyst in her womb on the 5th. For those whom are reading this right now, kindly say a short prayer for (1)a successful operation; (2)speedy recovery; (3)my unsaved family members will be ministered to through this trying time. Thanks a million *hugz*

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Rules of Wisdom

You know how sometimes we know certain things... but until we see it in black and white, it just doesn't seem as 'clear'? I received an e-mail from a colleague and decided to post it here together with some personal thought process that came with it:
  • God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts. *sigh... Lord, help me to strike a balance*
  • Dear God, I have a problem, it’s me. *sometimes I pray so much for a situation to change... but for the most part, the problem lies with me :(*
  • Growing old is inevitable, growing UP is optional. *Papa, preserve the child-like faith I have within me...*
  • There is no key to happiness, the door is always open. *Yeah. It's a choice whether to live in reality or to live by faith. Or, we could be like little Annie: Tomorrow. tomorrow. I love ya, tomorrrow. And you're just a day awayyyyy...*
  • Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted. *Sometimes, it's just wiser to keep our mouths shut rather than to yap stuff that we regret later*
  • Do some maths, count your blessings. *Thank you, Lord for all the blessings AND also the scars in my life*
  • Faith is the ability not to panic. *Picture that comes to mind is a turbulent plane ride with a grown man frantically going, "We're gonna die! We're gonna DIEEE! And a little old lady calmly continued on with her knitting. The guy goes, "How can you be so calm?!?!?" Little old lady replies, "Cause I know where I'm going..."*
  • Laugh everyday, it’s like inner jogging. *Try this: Gather some friends. Start laughing. A laughing chain effect has been initiated. You'll have a good laughing exercise fit*
  • If you worry, pray. If you pray, don’t worry. *Matthew 6:1-34 Say the prayer, and believe in it. Don't worry. Be Happy*
  • As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday. *Ewo Papa... I miss you. Lemme tell you what happened today. I broke a nail... sob sob*
  • Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. *FLEX. Two Three Four. STRETCH. Two Three Four. BEND. Two Three Four.*
  • THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR HOME ARE THE PEOPLE. *Not the TV. Nor the computer. Nor the bed. So why do we spend more time on these items when we're home, rather than just sit and have a chat with our loved ones? Juan is guilty, Guilty, GUILTY!!!*
  • When we get tangled up in our problems, be still; God wants us to be still so that he can untangle the knot. *Be still and know that He is God*
  • A grudge is a heavy thing to carry. *sigh... I've learnt that to stay unforgiving and allowing the anger to burn within causes more damage to self. So daily, I choose to adhere to this - Eph 4:32 Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God had forgiven you.*
  • He who dies with the most toys is still dead. *I'll allow this to speak to you individually to do some soul-searching ;)*
  • We do not remember days, but moments. Life is moving too fast – so enjoy your precious moments. *Juan is enjoying this very moment, blogging, with faint country music playing in the background*
  • Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it’s just hearsay. *Anyone willing to go bungee-jumping with me?*
  • It’s alright to sit on your pity pot every now and then. Just be sure to flush when you are done. *giggle. Yeah... too much built-up crap within our system will definately make us ill*

Monday, June 27, 2005

Weekend at Frasers Hill

Went up to Frasers Hill for a birthday surprise get-together last weekend with some friends and took note of a couple of stuff:

We’re 40-year-olds trapped in 25-year-old bodies. How else could we explain the willingness and enjoyment we experienced to spending our time ENTIRELY in the rented bungalow? We arrived, had tea, watched last season of Friends on DVD, played RISK, had dinner, played some more RISK, had supper, and err… played RISK *again* until it was time to crash :D RISK is fun, Fun, FUN!!! I love strategy games. I love lining up my infantries, riders, and cannons in a straight line facing my enemies to provoke them, and if you’ve not figured it out already, yes, I am extremely competitive. I LOVE CONQUERING THE WORLD!!!!! Muahahahahahahahah!!!!!!

Stop eating whatever that’s suspected not fresh. HAZARDOUS. Me and my greedy stomach *groan*. We had steamboat for dinner (which is great when the weather’s so chilly, I must add) and I continued helping myself to the prawns that seemed a bit ‘powdery’. The outcome? Was punished with a serious case of puking and diarrhea. Honestly, I think I'm jinxed. Last year whilst being with the SAME group of friends in Langkawi, I stepped on some bulu babi (sea urchins) when I got off my banana boat ride. Brings back memories *giggle*. Maybe I’ll blog about this sometime later… :) Next time I ever go out with them, I’ll remember to pack a first aid kit *nods furiously*.

Am loved. We were all dead tired from all the traveling. Yet, I had two good friends taking care of me the whole night. They brought me some hot water to drink, sacrificed a blanket to help me fight off my fever, woke up the bungalow’s caretaker to get me some medication, and erm… got me a chair for me to rest right next to the toilet bowl (hey, YOU try to sit on a cold toilet floor in the middle of the night at Frasers Hill) Hrmmm… I think my lil' girlfriend was more worried that I was *Juan glowing from all the TLC*.

Kenneth trusts me. How did I arrive to this statement? Arr… after he stumbled towards the toilet and I screamed, “Arrrrr… I seriously think you shouldn’t go in there”. Stopped in his tracks. He envisions the toilet after-mess. Proceeds to ignore. I said, “Kenneth… trust me”. He took one look at me, and abandons plan *LOL*.

Vacation plan was very timely. Sunday 8'clock, received a phone call requesting me to get back to work. Apparently, cutover activities were completed a day early, so my boss wanted to proceed with subsequent activities. My response? "Arr... sorry.... I'm up a hill playing with tigers!" :P I wished I had something warm to hug... freezing cold hill with a fever to beat. The blankets had no warming effect whatsoever. As kind as my girlfriend was, I couldn't get it past myself to hugging another girl to sleep >:-( Remind me to get a dog *wink*

All in all, I thank God for:
1) Great friends
2) Nice relaxing time (apart from the midnight mishap)
3) Safe from the tiger.
Amen. *smiles*

Friday, June 24, 2005

Lobsterman

Lobster Thermidor

Did you know?
Lobster is not only delicious; it is low in fat, calories, and cholesterol! Lobsters are one of the healthiest and leanest proteins available. It contains less saturated fat, calories, and cholesterol than beef, pork, or even the light meat of chicken. It has 15 percent less dietary cholesterol than chicken. In addition, the lobster calorie count is nearly half that of chicken, and contains only a fraction of the fat. Furthermore, lobster not only is low in calories and cholesterol, but it also contains 0.1 gram of Omega-3 fatty acid per serving. According to the American Medical Association an intake of 5.5 grams of Omega-3 fatty acids per month was associated with a 50 percent reduction in the risk of primary cardiac arrest.

The picture above is taken on Father's Day in SS2, Lobsterman. Looks yummy-licious, doesn't it? We had braised lobster with yee mee, baked lobster lotus leaf rice, and lobster thermidor. Hey... stop salivating over your computer keyboard! *wink!* Head on over and have a lobster today :)

Thursday, June 23, 2005

If this happened to you, what would you do?

Rayne and Mick were rushing to save their friend Noel when they were suddenly *ahem* flashed by an old man at the bus stop:

Flashed!

I was 14, at a bus stop in Section 17, waiting for the very irregular and unreliable mini bus no 18 to go for a tuition class. The bus stop was situated right outside an old house, with a nice leafy tree providing shade for those waiting for their public transport. With me, there was a young mother with her 5-6 year old little boy.

After 10 minutes, suddenly I heard a grunting noise nearby. About 3 feet away, there was a motorcycle parked, with its engine still running. And there he was - an Indian man with a motorcycle helmet covering his face, standing next to his vehicle, jerking off, and grunting like a pig. The lady noticed the man’s presence and covered her child’s eyes and held the child close, fearfully.

I leapt to my feet, picked up a solid steel rod nearby, started hitting the guy silly while shouting obscenities at him, and called the cops cause I was satisfied with the results - the sick man lied on the ground… battered. The lady thanked me profusely for protecting her kid, while the police praised my bravery.

At least, that was what I WISHED I did…

What really happened was, too shocked to react, I stood bolted to the ground. Silently, and slowly the minutes passed until the shameless man finished satisfying himself, got onto his bike, and rode off. I could just imagine him smirking cause he had successfully traumatized 3 individuals.

The truth is, people who seek to traumatize others through such perverted methods are cowards, have low self-esteem, and just plain SICK. Else, he wouldn’t have prepared an escape route by leaving the motorcycle engine running and wearing a helmet to disable any face recognition.

Know what else I could’ve done? I should have just stared right at him, point at his mushroom and go, “So small??? Ahahahahahahhahahahahaah!!!!!!!”

Monday, June 20, 2005

I spent a night in a Police Station

17 June 10:20pm Extreme loud drilling heard right outside my home. Stuck my head out and thought, “Oh no!!! They’re starting to drill AGAIN!” - Previously, there was this road construction on Sunday and Monday night that started about 10+ at night, ended around 6+ in the morning. *Can u believe that?*

17June 11:30pm Have a throbbing headache. Went to the security tower to see what management was doing about the noise. Their response, “Arr… it’s beyond our control cause it’s OUTSIDE the building, but we’ve talked to them with some other residents and they’ve promised to stop the drilling at 12:00am.

17 June 11:45pm Dialed 999 and was directed to the Uptown police station. Their response, “Arr… you need to come here physically to lodge a report.” Aiyoh… so troublesome. I resorted to counting sheep trying to sleep. Anyway, the noise is going to stop at 12, right? Err… RIGHT??!!??

18 June 1:30am Gosh… I cannot believe what I’m doing *shakes head* I suddenly find myself in my car, one something in the morning, driving towards the police station. Arrived, parked the car and a cute policeman said to me (hey, he had a set of dimples, k?), “You need to park down the alley. This parking lot is for the police residents.” I obliged. *smiles*

18 June 2:00am Finished lodging report. Overheard lots of ring rings from other residents complaining about the drilling. Good to know I wasn’t the only cuckoo bothering the police about it *nyek nyek* Walked towards car. Found large police truck blocking my exit. Cute policeman’s response, “Arr… sorry. The truck’s from another station. I have no idea who’s having the keys. Perhaps you can wait awhile?” Suddenly cute policeman wasn’t so cute anymore. *groan*

18 June 3:00am Car still stuck. Checked wallet. Total of RM2 in it. Just enough for a drink. Not enough to catch a cab. Went to a nearby mamak. Watched *gasp* football.

18 June 4:00am I began to wonder if I could lodge a police report AGAINST the police for holding me against my will.

18 June 5:00am Policemen tried to make me feel better by telling me that I could sue EMKAY (the developer) for public peace disturbance. I should get a lawyer. Did I feel better? Noooo…. I just wanna go homeeee… *whine whine*

18 June 5:20am Ooooo… look at that! I see birds flying in the air. No, wait. They’re pigs. Or Santa Claus. Serious sleep deprivation and stress causes hallucination. Sigh… there were no birds, nor pigs, nor Santa. Just a zombie-fied Juan driving home after a rough night. :P

I just wonder, “How many people reading this can actually say they’ve spent a night in a police station like me?” *grin* Strange how everything seems so comical when I write about this. For the entire night… I was feeling like crap and remember salty tears dripping over my cup of iced tea :P

Proof of my little misadventure:

Lesson learnt: Don’t listen to cute policemen.

But seriously… I learnt two hard lessons that night:


  1. Trying situations WILL pass, find a way to laugh about it, and the experience can be a joke that will last a lifetime :)
  2. Someone whom I had given a lot of myself to, and regarded as a good friend knew that I was stranded. What sort of a person is this friend that could sleep peacefully whilst knowing a girl was alone and needed help? *sigh* I am sure there is more to this lesson learnt.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Happy Father's Day!!

Y - Yoke Mha words for daddy early in the morning (a "I Love You" would be nice)
J - Just give him a kiss and a great big huggggg
L - Let him have his favourite foods for dinner

We did an ice-breaker last night using the initials of our names to come up with stuff to do for our dads this Father's Day. A present? Err... I think he everything he needs and wants already. More lurve? Err... I think I haven't withheld any display of affection :P Cracked my head figuring out what to get dad this year and finally I got it - the perfect present for him. To pamper him. A day at the spa!!!

Since dad enjoyed off-and-on foot reflexology, he should really enjoy nice massage. I searched high and low for the perfect spa to bring him to. I decided to bring him out for a dimsum lunch (and have those yumyum durian deserts that they were famous for) at Mandarin Oriental followed by a full-body massage by Thalgo at the hotel. After all the head scratching and infomation digging, guess what was his response?

"Har? Massage? Don't waste your money!"

And that was that. Sighhh.... guess we're settling for a boring sit-down Chinese dinner this Sunday :P To all the fathers or fathers-to-be out there,
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Grief

Grief is like taking a walk on a beach. The weather is warm and sunny with a slight breeze blowing in our hair. Tall coconut trees could be seen in a distance. A slight chirping of birds could be heard in the background. Little waves licking our toes as we soak in the panoramic view.

We think that we're safe and all is fine.


Then suddenly a big tsunami hits and we soon find ourselves gasping for air as we fight the torrid current. We might drown and lose ourselves in the struggle. If we survive, the serenity returns and calm walk continues... until the next big wave unsettles us again.

My source of comfort:

Psalms 23:4, 6

Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, LORD, for you are with me. Your shepherd's rod and staff protect me. I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as I live.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Thoughts: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

Had a lot of fun throughout the entire writing process cause it’s been so long since I’ve done this *grin*. Really hope the readers enjoyed it as much as me. As I was putting the pieces together, these thoughts were at the back my mind:

1) Preface
This was my first attempt to romantic writing. I’ve always felt there is something very beautiful about the emotions and thoughts of a bride-to-be and wanted to include this into my story. Treading carefully as I wanted the outcome to be fairy-tale like, yet down-to-earth at the same time. (Also, bearing in mind my awful experience from sitting through horribly written try-to-be-romantic Star Wars script by George Lucas :P) The Preface being the background to the entire story, I wanted the past to be a large contrast, as opposed to how the environment was after the attacks of the aliens. At this point, as there was no indication of what kind of a story this was going to be, I wanted to have the wondering effect of, “Oh no… is this going to be one boring lovey-dovey chick stories by Juan?”

2) Chapter 1
It was intentional that Chapter 1 had absolutely no linkage to the Preface leaving an effect of, “Huh? It’s nicely written… but is this a new story?” As I was writing this Chapter, I tried to bring out emotions of the poverty-stricken Indian children when I went for missions about a year ago. There was just an acceptance to the condition that they were in because other environments were foreign to them.

3) Chapter 2
This was an attempt to develop some ‘build-up’ skills. It was sort of an Intro to what the main plot was supposed to be. Bringing the Mongrels into the picture, I wanted to develop a nagging question as to, “Who or what are these Mongrels?” and try to build up some anticipation to the next Chapter. Also, at the same time I wanted an, “Ohhh!” effect that links the bride-to-be character in Preface with the kid in Chapter 1.

4) Chapter 3
This is the revelation for the whole plot. Chapter 2 depicted a very strong Lily, who was adamant to provide for her family, from Sam’s point of view. This Chapter revealed her past, her loss of her father (hence why she was hard on Sam trying to help her), and her struggles despite the strong front she shows Sam. The challenge for this Chapter was to describe the mental picture of the alien in my head, which was actually a little bit ‘too cool’ for these destroyers. After adding in the stench and rotting skin, I felt their representation was more ‘to-the-mark’.

5) Chapter 4
There were elements of love in the Preface, poverty in Chapter 1, verbal arguments in Chapter 2, and sexual implications in Chapter 3. Bringing the story to a close, I wanted to try to add the final element to the story – physical violence (without it being too gory). The final unexpected twist was when the little boy killed the intruder, instead of his father. Whilst writing this, I’m imagining some thriller show where the main characters are struggling and suddenly everything starts to move in slow motion when everyone realized that a 3rd party made the kill instead.

6) Other thoughts
All chapters written had intentional open ends to it so that they could be exploited further. I have a good mind to actually make these 5 chapters as the background of a bigger storyline. So, erm… maybe this won’t be a short story after all *grin*. Not too soon, though… maybe in 1 or 2 month’s time - I’m kind of tired right now. A total of 3144 Words – what a feat! Please excuse me, while I crawl under a stone to hibernate *wink!* Oh yeah… I STILL haven’t figured out what category this story falls under *scratch head*

What do you think? New stories, or expand the current plot to a thicker one? *blink* *blink*

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Chap 4: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

Suddenly the door rattled open, bringing Sam out of his bitter thoughts. Sam leapt up, dropping Timmy in his haste. In the doorway stood a man whose face was filled with anger, fear and hunger. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he did not sleep a wink for days. His hair and appearance was unkempt. His entire shirt was drenched in sweat; he stood at the doorway panting. In his shaking hand, he clutched an old, rusty kitchen knife.

“Nicholas! What is God’s name are you doing?!” gasped Sam as he saw his neighbor, his best friend, his best man at his wedding. Sam had not seen Nicholas for more than four whole years since the Mongrels took over Earth. Yet, Nicholas seemed different today. Nicholas was wild and smelt of death and desperation.

Nicholas never heard. He only snarled at Sam like a wild animal and leapt towards Sam with the knife aimed at Sam’s unprotected throat. Sam frantically dropped Timmy from his lap and leapt to his right. By then, Sam could hear Timmy whimpering softly, “Stop. Please don’t hurt my daddy. Stop. Please.”

As Nicholas’s body landed on the hard floor, Sam aimed a hard punch into his ribs. Nicholas doubled up in pain but the man, wild with pain and hunger, clawed at Sam’s hair, pulling it hard. Sam lost his balance from the force, fell to the ground and Nicholas immediately pounced on top of him. Sam could feel the increasing pressure of Nicholas’s hands around his throat. Suddenly Nicholas let out a beastly scream and the weight was off Sam’s body and dark-red, warm liquid flowed down his face…

Nicholas had let go of his weapon in the midst of the struggle. Timmy was jolted awake from his slumber as his father dropped him to the floor and saw this unknown man trying to hurt his father. He had picked up the knife with his scrawny little fingers and as Nicholas was throttling his father, he plunged the deadly instrument into Nicholas’s exposed back.

“Timmy!” Sam called out and at the sound of his name; Timmy dropped the knife and ran towards his father.

“Daddy! Oh Daddy! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t! Daddy!” the little boy’s voice raised in an agonized scream.

“Shhhhhh… it’s alright. It’s alright. It was only a hungry man” Sam seethed as he looked over Timmy’s head at his best friend’s body, which was now lying in a pool of blood.

Nicholas was gasping for air, in short, sharp breaths. His pupils were dilated, the knife had probably punctured his lungs. In merely a few seconds, he passed away… but not before he mouthed to Sam, “I’m sorry…”.

After a while, Timmy lifted his head and asked, “What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

Sam looked thoughtfully at Nicholas’s body and realized that he too was a very hungry man. He looked at his son and softly said, “Something that we’re not going to be for a while”.
*** The End ***

Monday, June 13, 2005

Chap 3: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

Banging the door behind her, Lily quickly scurried along to her workplace praying earnestly beneath her breath that she would not encounter the dreaded Mongrels. She hated the fact that she was so hard on Sam but she couldn’t bear having the thought of losing him. She was angry with Sam for being so immature - Lily dreaded walking the streets just as much as he did not want her to. She was constantly on the lookout for Mongrels, constantly in fear, weighed down with the responsibility having to provide for the family and constantly thinking about suicide. In times when there is no hope, suicide seemed like a viable option – it seemed that it was the only way to end her misery. Yet day after day, Lily pushed the suicidal thoughts aside for the sake of her loved ones.

It was the year 2145 when this nightmare began. Sam and herself had a wonderful life together; Sam had a stable, good job and simply adored her. Her 77-year old Pappy was healthy, strong and didn’t look a day older than fifty. But most of all, they had Timmy. Timmy was their little bundle of joy, proof of their love and dedication towards each other. Timmy was only slightly over a year old when they descended from the night sky by the multitudes; like grains of sand on the beach. Fleets and fleets of alien starships crashing onto Earth and in that instance, ending the freedom of Man.

Pappy, Sam, Timmy and herself were in the backyard when it all happened. Balloons and ribbons decorated the lawn. A fireworks display were planned for the night, pretty pink and green ones. It was Sam’s birthday and they were having a barbeque to celebrate it. She could remember Sam laughing as he blew out the candles of his cake, Timmy was clapping his hands gleefully and Pappy was playing a birthday tune on his old, trusted harmonica. Then it all ended.

Suddenly, the clear sky turned smoky, dark and red and they heard a horrible wailing sound issued from the dark sky. They saw great balls of fire traveling as fast as the speed of light plunging onto the grounds, as the vehicles neared the Earth. One of the ships landed on their house, crushing it easily. Now thinking back, she wished the entire family was inside the house and crushed to bits instead of being out in the yard with their lives preserved till today.

She remembered Pappy screaming and Timmy crying in fear when the Mongrels emerged from the ship. Those things were 7-feet tall, had the physique of Man with long, flowing ebony hair. Protruding from their back, were a shapeless mass of tentacles that excreted a filthy mass of slime and seemed to retract and extend as the beings wanted. They had tear-shaped white colored eyes with no pupils, which turned into a shade of bloody red when they engaged in combat. As they drew near, till today Lily remembered the first time she peered into their eyes; it was as if their souls were void of any form of emotions and expressions. Their complexion appeared to be scarred from a distance, but up close she realized that the awful stench caused by these beings were caused by their rotting skin. Hence, they were called Mongrels, as they looked half-human, half something else.

As they emerged, one of them drew their filthy tentacles through Pappy, and he died instantly as the slime ate through his flesh. Lily ran towards her father and another one of those horrid things grabbed her. Although she feared for her own safety, all she could hear was Timmy screaming and she would never forget the terrified screams. She just needed to close her eyes and she could remember the screams as if it happened yesterday. Sam tried to stop them, Lily saw and knew that he tried but failed. Before passing out from the pain Lily was experiencing, she saw a wayward tentacle hit Sam on the head and he lost consciousness.

The Mongrels invaded Earth and conquered her; and strict regulations were made. Small square 30 feet x 30 feet rooms were built underground and each housed a family. The men were not allowed out of the rooms; Sam and Timmy hasn't seen a single ray of light for five years, which explained their frail complexions. Only women were allowed to move around the grounds above. Lily had to engage in an awful row with her husband every single day when she needed to leave the home because Sam knew why his wife was allowed to wander around. The Mongrels had an insatiable craving for earth women. Desperate men left their rooms and turned into cannibals, killing each other. When the Mongrels found them, they were killed. The women were always spared.

Deep in thought, Lily was not aware of her surroundings and it was too late before she noticed the shadow of a Mongrel standing in front of her…

Friday, June 10, 2005

Chap 2: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

Sam looked at his wife, his once petite and beautiful Lily. Lily who once had a slender, well-rounded body but now looked like a bag of bones. Her forehead was strained with lines caused by constant worry. Her cheeks were hollow and sunken. The only feature that remained the same was her seawater green-colored eyes; but they were now filled with incredible pain instead of the twinkling of mischief. Her eyes used to have so much joy, purity and innocence… pure, like the flower she was named after – Lily. Her beautiful fiery red hair was now dull, lank and limp. ‘God! All of us must look like that!’ Sam thought despairingly as he turned his gaze to his under-nourished little son.

Sam stumbled to his wife, “Darling, I’m so sorry I can’t follow you! It kills me every time I see you walk through that door. Oh Lord! I’m so sorry!” ‘Oh how many times have I told her that’, thought Sam miserably. His wife looked at him and appeared to be flippant.

“Hey, We know the rules, right? The Mongrels won’t allow any men to be on the streets, only the women. So, I’ve got to be the breadwinner now, so what? Anyway, you know the Mongrels will kill you if they set eyes on you. They have more ‘compassion’ for the women. They let us go on with our jobs and bring back food supplies. Only sometimes… occasionally… not all the time… when we’re not lucky, they might… they might…” Lily started to sob, as her green eyes filled with tears and she abruptly turned towards the door.

“Lily! Don’t go! Don’t let them! Don’t let them do it to you! Don’t do it to yourself!” cried Sam as he tried to stop her. He knew what those wretched Mongrels did to his wife.

She turned around and with a desperate whisper, she replied, “I must! Look at you and Timmy, half-starved! Timmy… he’s such a good little boy. He falls asleep hungry every night. I can hear his stomach growling. But not once, not even once I’ve heard him complain. Do you think I want to leave both of you to wander the streets? I can’t bear it but I must!”

“For once darling, listen to me. Please. I’ll figure out a way to find food. Let me go. I’ll… I’d…,” Sam pleaded.

“No, YOU listen to me. We go through this lengthy, painful discussion every, single day. And you’re still not getting it. We’re living in horrid times. Timmy’s only six and he’s so much stronger than you. Can you be strong, Sam? Can you be strong for both of us? I can’t bear to lose you. I need you. I need you to take care of Timmy. I need you to be home when I get back. I cannot risk having you go out and not return. Do you understand? Can you please at least TRY to understand me?!?!?” Then she walked away in a huff.

Sam’s eyes filled with tears and his soul cried in mental anguish for his wife.

“Daddy! Don’t cry, daddy! Why are you crying?” sobbed little Timmy as he wrapped his scrawny little arms around his father’s neck. “Daddy, don’t cry! Don’t worry, Daddy. Mummy will be back. Like she always does. Look, I drew this especially for you.” Proudly, Timmy displayed a crayon drawing of a family holding hands in a fun, happy place that looks like a playground.

Sam hung his head down in shame. He was supposed to be the head of the family. What kind of a father and husband was he? He should be out helping his wife and he should be braver for his son’s benefit but no, he had to be bawling like a 2-year old baby! Sam slowly composed himself and put a grateful hand on his son’s shoulder. “Never mind, Timmy! I’m all right. Thanks, son. The drawing is beautiful.” Sam murmured as he held the boy closer and rocked him slowly to sleep.


Later he looked at the boy’s face as he was sleeping. It looked so at peace and it radiated such innocent beauty. ‘Dear son, why did we bring you into such suffering? Why? Damn those Mongrels! Damn them to hell for killing the peaceful freedom that was to be yours!' Sam kissed his son’s sleeping head and leaned back on the bare wall…

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Chap 1: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

“Mummy! Mummy! I’m hungry!” whined the little boy. The child had soft dark brown curls with matching brown eyes, an impish grin, and wore a T–shirt and shorts that were too large for his scrawny frame. It was already noon, Timmy’s tummy rumbled, and yesterday night’s sweet potato seemed like a distant memory. He always loved meal and bed times, they were filled with make-belief and fantasy. His tummy would hurt even after a meal and the rumblings made it really difficult to fall asleep as he cuddled with little teddy wishing that something extraordinary would happen to ease his hunger pangs.

When the family were having meals, mummy and daddy would describe all the different types of delicious foods; chicken patties, steak, pizza, cheesecake, jelly, strawberries and Timmy would bite into his sweet potatoes and imagine eating all the glorious, unknown wonders. Foods that would fill the emptiness that his tummy was accustomed to. Foods that tasted differently, looked differently – not the usual bland sweetness of the orange-colored potatoes he had daily. Chocolates, oh how he loved chocolates. There was only a bar left, and each month he was treated to apiece. Soon, even the last bar of chocolates would be gone.

Bed times were a treat because daddy would tell him stories of a fun place called the playground. Timmy would close his eyes and imagine a playground with nice sweet-smelling flowers, lush bushes, shady trees, green grass that would tickle his toes as he played bare-footed in the bright, warm sun. He could hear the chirping of birds and yaps of a golden retriever playing Frisbees with its owner. Nearby, there would be a faint tinkling melody of an ice-cream truck, whose owner was a kind, red round-faced, friendly man giving Timmy his favorite chocolate-flavored ice cream. There were metal devices that were called monkey bars and swings, where there would be other boys, other girls; other children playing with him. There were many other people… people other than daddy and mummy.

“I should finish the drawing that I was working on last night,” said Timmy rubbing his little hands in glee as he snapped out of his playground-absorbed thoughts. As he got down on his hands and knees, the sleeves of his oversized T-shirt came undone and he struggled working his art with his sleeves in the way. After awhile, he held up the canvas and admired the masterpiece, his brows suddenly formed a frown and he furiously started erasing parts of the canvas.

“What’s wrong, honey? Why are you erasing all those little friends you drew?” Mummy peered over Timmy’s shoulder and asked.

“Mummy! I want to eat fish and chips today. Could you cut my potatoes so that they look like fillets, Mummy? Oooo… and put the potato skins by the side of the plate. They’re my freshly baked French fries! Could I? Could I have fish and chips today, mummy?” wide-eyed, Timmy asked. He would never pass on playing make-believe with his mother. The drawing was for Timmy’s father and he didn’t want his parents to be concerned about him, as the drawing depicted how much he longed to play with other children.

“Yeah! Yeah! I know but will you hang on? Be patient, I’ve only got a pair of hands, you know!” laughed his mother.

Timmy’s tummy growled furiously. He patted his tummy and in a low whisper said to himself, “Shhhhh… keep it down, guys. Mummy is going to worry if you constantly growl like that.” He got up and gulped down a cup of warm water.

“I love you mummy… have I told you that today? NOW can I have my fillets yet?” said Timmy batting his eyelids, with an adorable puppy-like look on his face. He was only six, yet has learnt the art of manipulation well.


She moved swiftly to her son, quickly wound up the sleeves of his T-shirt, messed up his brown hair lovingly and said, “Look honey, it’s difficult enough to get food now so be patient, will you?”

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Preface: What’s a hungry man, Daddy?

The flowers were beautiful – a dozen of bright orange sunflowers with fuzzy dark brown centers, tied with a huge yellow bow. A small envelope dangling from the bow caught Lily’s eye. Her fingers trembled as she carefully plucked the envelope from the bouquet, opened it, and pulled out the card.

“To my Sunshine… with all my love.”

She read the words once, twice, three times, absorbing the affectionate words from the man she was about to spend the rest of her life with. Lily’s heart began to pound as she hugged the flowers to her chest, careful not to crush a single petal. Suddenly, she felt the entire hustle and bustle halt momentarily. The makeup artiste putting finishing touches to her hair or makeup faded away. There was no bridesmaid fussing with her off-shoulder, flowing ivory gown that draped around her shoulders and wrapped around her hips perfectly.

“Honey, you look absolutely stunning!” Hovering over her was a gigantic figure of a man, tall, with bulky, strong arms and a 45-inch beer belly. Little stubbles of facial hair were already visible on his ‘just-shaven-in-the morning’ chin. As Lily stood up, the trail of her gown fell gracefully to the floor.

Lily’s petite frame seemed like a midget next to the giant; she buried her face onto the chest of this huge, huggable bear-like figure and squealed, “Oh, pappy! This morning, the caterer forgot the tablecloths; these stringy necklace just doesn’t seem to fit the gown; and I’ve got the worst case of butterflies the ENTIRE morning. What if I trip and fall flat on my face as I walk down the aisle? Ooo… and pappy, look… look at these beautiful flowers.”

Pappy’s deep voice chuckled, “And he thought those flowers were just the thing to calm you down – you’re a bag of jitters! Honey, everything is going to be a blast. Here, these are for you.”

Lily gasped as she held a string of white pearls in her hands gingerly, “Pappy… these were the pearls you gave mama when you exchanged your vows. These were mama’s favorite. I simply couldn’t…”

“She would’ve wanted me to give you these today, especially today. She’d be so proud, if only she could see what a beautiful lady you’ve grown up to be,” Pappy choked back a tear as he recalled the memory of his late wife.

“Mr. Langhorn! Lily! There are 450 impatient guests and a nervous groom wondering what’s keeping the bride. If you do not want them to start worrying that they’ve got a runaway bride, I suggest that the both of you get moving this instant!” Lily laughed at sight of her frantic fiancée’s best man, Nicholas. She took one last long look at the reflection in the mirror as her late mother’s pearls perfected the picture. Staring back at her was a reflection of a face glowing full of joy and excitement, ready to take on the unknown challenges of marriage hood…

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Re-igniting a lost passion for Short Stories

Last night, a forgotten box of treasures was opened – it was filled with memories of the past. I took a trip down memory lane through the kindergarten certificate of completion received, autograph books from primary schools years, photos of me wearing those horrendous turquoise colored pinafores *that made me look really fat, I must add*, and there it was. My form 5 year book.

As my fingers grazed through the pages, I came across a short story I wrote for the English literature section. Then it dawned upon me, ‘I really enjoyed writing these and used to do it every now and then. Whatever made me stop? Was it the busyness of growing up – getting a degree, finding a job, climbing up the corporate ladder? Hey, you know what? I could restart this… yeah, what’s stopping me now?’

So, for one and a half weeks, I’m going to squeeze some creative juice out of my brains and expand the plot of the story written in the yearbook (yeah, I really liked that particular one). The general outline:

  • The story to be broken down into different chapters (about 5-6).
  • Each chapter to be around 400-500 words written from a SINGLE character’s perspective. I wanted to try this style of writing so that the reader can be absorbed into the each character’s emotions and background.
  • It’s not going to be one of those highly passionate guy-girl romance novels, but it WILL have some elements of ‘lurve’.

I have yet to categorize the type of story this is going to be; but trust me, it’s not going to be some girly lovey-dovey story. Perhaps you could help me with the category once the story is completed. Check the site daily for one and a half weeks and embark on this journey with me. Leave me a comment (particularly words of encouragement *wink!*); the site’s getting hits daily and I really would like to get to know who’s been reading *smile*.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Strong within me, is the Yoda force?

Took a trip down ::{~Memory Lane~}:: and gave the Personality Test a try *wink!*.

Select "tall" when asked, I did.
Yet the little green friend, I became.
Truly troubled, I am.
A TALL Yoda, there will be??!!??!!?

Friday, June 03, 2005

Accelerated SAP taken to the extreme

Client: We want all modules in presentation slides 1 and 2. All in by August!
Me: Surely you mean only the core modules on Page 1?
Client: No. All!!!
Me: ????!!!???
*imagine Juan with gold-fish eyes and gaping mouth…*

Me: Err… in my previous project experience in RHB, we took a FULL YEAR to fully implement the full suite.
Client: Uh-huh… and we’d like it done in two months.
Me: *blink* *blink*


We held a SAP HR demo to a prospective client back in the office yesterday. No sleep for 2.5 months and it would’ve been do-able to achieve implementation of 4 core module. 8 modules in 2 months? *shakes head in disbelief*

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Belilah Barang Buatan Malaysia!

Lady: I don’t care! I don’t want local parts… *stomp! stomp!*
Mechanic: ???!!!???
Juan to self: Err… a bit like, Proton car ITSELF is LOCAL rightttttt…… *sigh!*

OK… OK… the story should start from the very beginning. FIRSTly, on May 6th I had the car serviced. Just three days after that, signal lights stopped functioning. Hence, the SECOND visit back to the mechanic and changed some signal light chip. Then on May 13th (yup it was a Friday), another digit was added to the Malaysian hit-and-run statistics when a motorcycle decided to ram into the side of my car and rearranged the side mirror; the THIRD visit. Lastly, last week on May 26th I hit a parked Aeroback *sooo totally my fault*. Urgh! My FORTH time to the mechanic in less than a month!

Hence, received the statement above. Had to get into an accident to discover a totally different breed of human beings *giggle*

  • Badgering. The next day, the lady (and her husband) contacted my mobile for over 5-6 times. One instance I told her that I would reply her call once the meeting was over. She called 5 minutes later. ??!!?? If the intention to pay were non-existent, I would’ve drove off instead of parked and waited.
  • Requested for original parts. Well, the parts broken were non-original but she insisted she didn’t want “local” parts *refer to top. giggle*. Anyway, I calmly let her have her way cause deep inside there were pangs of guilt for causing trouble.
  • Accused the mechanic. The husband accused the mechanic that he was “saving” my money cause he sided with me. Ei… mechanic was being reasonable ma. If a non-original part was broken, it SHOULD be replaced with a non-original, right?
  • Requested for repaint. Err… this I didn’t take sitting down. There were minor scratches that would’ve easily been fixed with some polishing. There were no dents whatsoever.
  • Requested to change bumper. After the repaint was not agreeable, her husband got on the line. He insisted that he should get the whole bumper changed and he was only asking for a repaint.

Basically, only the change of parts was agreeable. After suggesting that I would rather make a police report if they wanted to repaint or change the bumper, they became silent and backed-off. There was NO WAY any insurance would ever cover such minor scratches. They were just taking advantage of my initial kindness. After they left, the mechanic said to me, “What kind of man is that? So calculative with girls. How to do BIG things?” *direct translation from Cantonese*

Back to the original topic. What’s wrong with Malaysian-made products anyway? I’M MALAYSIAN MADE!!! *grin*

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Is your circumstance clouding your vision?

Years ago, I read about an experiment concerning perception. There were two groups of people watching a baseball (or cricket, I can’t remember) match. Each group was supposed to observe and focus on different teams within the match. After the match during the Q&A session, each group was able to meticulously recall and explain in detail what each player from their teams did. However, miraculously both teams did not notice that there was a guy in a gorilla suit running amongst the players throughout the game.

About three months ago on a Saturday morning, a friend was exercising with me at Kiara Park. After experiencing the end of a 7-year relationship, I was thinking, “Sighh… look at all these happy couples. Everyone has someone to love; except me” *groan* *grumble*. It seemed that be it young or old, married or courting, everyone were walking in pairs that morning. Deep in thought for a couple of minutes, my friend suddenly spoke to me, “Juan… look at all these rich people. They drive expensive cars and wear expensive exercise gear… How do they do it? ”

This friend of mine was a hardworking lad and for many years, and has been trying very hard to make ends meet. The latest blow was when he became victim to corporate downsizing at the same time his mum was hospitalized for diabetes. With this, I refocused to my surroundings and looked at it through the eyes of my dear friend. Expensive BMWs and Mercedes parked by the roadside. There was this Jaguar parked there as well *hoot! hoot!*. Top-to-toe Elle and Adidas branded exercise gear. Gold watches on the wrist of a jogger. The jogger in front of us bragging, “Yesterday I bought my 4th condominium for investment.”

Heh… suddenly it was like my eyes were opened to a different dimension. Before that instant, these people could be riding on donkeys or wearing their birthday suits and I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid!! :P

I remembered the experiment which reinforcement a lesson in life. Do not let your current circumstance cloud and limit your vision. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Somehow, it made my own problems shrink a little…